What would I say to Jim if he came and sat next to me? How do I imagine he would react when he begins to get his bearings and realise that all the pomp and drama, and all the choruses and hymns we were singing, were actually all about him? Would he become even more paranoid, or just bemused by the way he has become such a legend in his own lunchtime, such a huge legend in fact, that the lady at the front, in the robes and dog collar, is shouting out that he is the ‘King of the Universe’ and the ‘Son of God’ and all that malarkey.
Jim remembers that long ago in a previous life he used to yell in the street, ‘I and the Father are one’ and other crazy junk like that. He used to reckon he was made of the same stuff as God, but no-one understood that he was trying to be inclusive when he was ranting about things like that, and deep down he just wanted folk to feel what he was feeling, overflowing with love. That’s the way he had always felt deep in his heart and all he wanted was for everyone around him to be just like one big happy family.
Jim knew what it was like when people heard him chanting his God talk in town, ‘I am the Son of God’, or ‘before the world was created ‘I AM!’ In fact he once jumped off a multi-story car park and broke both his legs because he thought he was divine and could fly… (Something about the angels saving him if he tripped and fell over, or ran in front of a line of fast moving traffic) - So he thought he’d put that theory to the test. Huge mistake! They ‘sectioned’ him after that episode, and injected him with Largactil, a nasty drug that twisted up his body and turned his face into a mask. He thought he’d learned that lesson a couple of light years ago when they whipped him in the street and nailed him to a cross. They said he had learning difficulties – ‘there’s nothing as sure as that’ he would say to himself.
So here he was, in this creepy old church full of dead men’s bones. He remembers meeting an old geezer sitting on a bench outside who told him that there were the remains of 5 000 corpses, buried over 900 years, in the graveyard. Not to mention others concealed beneath the floor and in the crypt of the church. Jim decided it was best not to start thinking about all that medieval spooky ‘woo woo’ stuff and focus instead on what’s going on at the front. But now the woman in the robes was holding up some bread and saying ‘this is my body eat it’ and then she held up a glass of wine and said ‘this is my blood, drink it’. ‘Oh my Gosh,’ he thought, ‘is this some kind of secret man-eating death cult?’ ‘I’m a celebrity get me out of here!’-
But he reckoned it might be worth sticking around for the sandwiches, coffee and cakes. The old bloke had told him there would be free nosh on offer after the show finished: “It might be a good idea to put some grub in me before I get my Methadone from the night chemist and settle down in the subway for the night. You know it’s getting more and more difficult to find places to crash nowadays. They’re laying spikes and metal studs and all sorts of crap in all the best sleeping spots, and they’re even making the bus shelter benches slope downwards so you can’t lay on them. What’s that all about, and who are ‘they’ anyway? I’ve always wondered about that – Some people reckon there are Shape-shifting reptilian aliens controlling the world! “Here I go again with all that ‘spooky woo woo’ stuff - shut your face Jim,” he said to himself..
“And now there’s a band warming up on stage, and the dude at the front is shouting, ‘we don’t do boring in this house’ and they crank up a song and everyone’s singing and dancing and holding up their hands in the air for some strange reason, ‘I’m down here mate’ was what Jim was thinking, but anyway. “I didn’t know any of the songs, so I just stood there and took in the vibe. I felt a nice tingle down the back of my neck that turned into something like a waterfall flowing over me. What did they put in that wine?’ Whatever they’d spiked it with it was pretty powerful stuff. Suddenly I saw my life flash before me, all those hard knocks I’d been given as well as all the good times. All of it seemed to be working together to bring me to this point. It felt like I was on a mountain top, in a totally clear space and I was free again. No more fear, no more guilt, no more tense feeling in my shoulders and back, just the impression I was floating two foot off the ground with the sensation of pure love pulsing through my veins. In my mind’s eye I saw all my old mates and ex’s who seemed to be lost in a fog, just like I had been not a second before. They all looked so sad and it seemed as if they were looking around for something magical to happen, for some kind of miracle, something to take away all the fear and pain. And then I realised for the first time in an aeon that I was completely ‘myself’- my eternal self, my genuine soul. I no longer wanted to follow in the footsteps of my hero and trickster friends, imitating what they were doing just to fit in and be liked. Now I was just being me, just Jim. Now I know exactly what I’ve got to do for the rest of my life. I’m going to go out there and try and make the world a better place, it’s that simple. I don’t know all the details yet but I get the feeling that I’ll be able to download all that stuff as and when I need it. But I know this one thing, that whatever happens from now on, through the good times and the bad, with all the love I feel inside me, right here, right now, it’s all going to work out fine, I just know it”.
“Sh*t! Jim said to himself, does this mean that I’m a Christian now? Oh man, how the hell did that happen? Well I guess at the end of the day that’s for the experts to discuss and decide. The only thing my science teacher used to say that made any sense to me is. ‘X is an unknown quantity and spurt is a volume of liquid forced through a small aperture’. It’s not my problem Bud, so I’m not going to worry”.
“Me? - I’m Just Jim mate, fancy a cuppa?”
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